Baby Talk and Potty Training

When our sweet granddaughter came to us at 19 months old, she was a timid, shy thing afraid of the whole world. She had the vocabulary of a 12 month old, maybe three words, and she didn't understand that words could get her what she wanted or what she needed.

 She was so tiny...

The onesie she's wearing is size 3 months.

This is how we picked her up from the airport. No shoes, no food except cookies and crackers for an entire day and no way of telling anyone if her feet hurt or if she was cold or hungry.
 

In the first couple of days, she walked on her toes and didn't know how to run or jump or dance. We took her to the beach to play in the sand and surf, all the while talking her through what everything was.

"This is water. It's called a lake. You can splash in it, see?"

"This is sand. It's soft, you can squish your toes in it."

 She didn't smile much, but she took it all in, cautiously. We knew she was listening. Next we gave her her first highchair with a spoon and a bowl...

We made a big deal of it and this was the turning point. "'poon? Eat? Bowl?"

The words began to come. We'd gained her trust and she open up, ready to do and learn more. But before I could teach her more about the world she lived in, she needed to be able to walk...in shoes, not on her toes. So off we went, she and I, to the shoe store to pick out her first pair of shoes.

She picked out a pair of multicolored Twinkle Toes: Starlight by Skechers

And like any little girl, shoes were the best way to this princess's heart. She loved them!

Parading her new shoes for Poppie (I'm sad I don't have a better picture).

Now she was ready to explore and learn.

She learned 10 words a day. "Light. Swing. Hungry. Please. Thank you. Lub you. More. Baby. Sa-shine (Sunshine)." This precious angel ate like her tummy was hollow, learned to run, learned to play, and learned to smile and laugh. After two weeks she'd gained 5lbs. And went from wearing 9-12 month sized clothes to wearing 18 months.

Her first Halloween (and there's the shoes!)

 It was only 4 or 5 weeks before she began telling me when she went "pee-pee" or "poo-poo." I did remember that meant she was ready to begin potty training. But - OH! - it had been over 20 years since I'd potty trained, and I hadn't forgotten how much work it is. Back to the store we went. I bought books, videos, treats, stickers, a potty chair, a stool and potty seat, a progress chart, training pants,"big-girl-panites," and an egg timer, (I let her help pick out her favorite things, always giving her a choice between two items I'd pre-approved) and finally we were ready to start.

1. Day one: I pinned up the potty chart with cling stars for every successful potty in the potty chair. We watched the potty training video [We used: I'm a Potty Princess: Potty Training for Girls!]. I talked her through everything we were doing, repeatedly, and encouraged her to talk about it to. "You're a potty princess and potty princesses go 'pee-pee' and 'poo-poo' in the potty." I put the potty chair in the family room (where we hang out and play) and let her sit on it while she watched the video and as I read her the book The Potty Book for Girls.
2. Day two: I set out every pair of panties and training pants. I showed her her potty chair. I put the treats (i.e. Skittles or M&M's work well, kids only need a few to be encouraged) in a glass jar and set them out where she could see them, telling her, "Every time you can make potty in the potty chair, you can have some treats." I sat her on the potty and told her to give it a try. She scrunched up her face and grunted, but nothing happened. I let her sit a few minutes before I got her up, dressed her in nothing but a t-shirt and training pants (we like the good, old-fashioned Gerber Training Pants) and I set the timer for fifteen minutes, reminding her if she wanted to or needed to go on the potty at any time, she could. She had one or two successful "pee-pee's" that day.
3. Day three: The second she woke up I rushed her to the potty and sat her down. It was perfect, she went "pee-pee" and "poo-poo." She got a couple extra Skittles and she got to put two stars on the chart. This was going to be a breeze. I set the timer and she began playing with every pair of "big-girl-panties" she owned.

I loved the Summer Infant - 3-Stage Potty Trainer with toilet paper AND wet-wipe holder! I let her decorate it later with matching scrapbook stickers. 

Okay, so it wasn't completely over in three days, but that was all it took to get her started. I let her help me throw away her diapers (I didn't really, I had another baby in the house, but she thinks we did *wink-wink*) We did the same things day after day. She pulled off her pullup when she got up in the morning and after her naps and ran around the house in training pants, we'd set the timer beginning at 15 minutes and worked our way up until she could tell me she needed to go - or just sat on the potty by herself and announced, "I did it!" I gave lot's of praise when she was successful and made NO FUSS if she wasn't. I never wanted her to feel she was bad. I'd just say, "Oh, too bad. Better luck getting treats next time." After two weeks she was using the potty on her own and in the bathroom even!

No diaper and new boots!

This Works!

After her first FULLY dry day, when her chart was filled with stickers, she got to go to Toys R Us (she'd never been) and pick out a toy (from the pre-approved area I showed her).

We continued to use pullups for naps, bedtime and when we left the house. And soon those were all dry too. By 22 months she was fully potty trained and we've had very few accidents since.

Good luck helping your toddler learn vocabulary and to use the potty. I hope our BloggityBoop helps.

Bonding to Baby

Babies who are not held and cuddled enough in the first months of their lives can have a difficult time adjusting to being hugged and snuggled. This can also lead to emotional and behavioral problems in the future.

Reactive Attachment Disorder Treatment (RAD) Healing with Love and Limits 

Our grandson had symptoms of this when he came to live with us at four months old.

We feared he hadn't been held enough because he was more comfortable sitting in a chair than being cradled in someone's arms.

No matter where we went or what we were doing, he'd cry, kick and fight if he was in our arms too long and just wanted to be left in his seat.

It broke our hearts. So, after a few unsuccessful months, we developed a plan. He had four bottle feedings a day from 7 through 9 months old (he refused to hold his own bottle). I used this time to rock him, sing to him, snuggled him, and try to bond with him. It was the longest few months of my life...and probably his too. He fought me every snuggle of the way. He cried, kicked, refused to eat, pushed against my chest and squirmed. But I pressed on, taking about three hours a day just to feed to him. It disrupted the whole house, took my time away from my granddaughter (who played quietly in the same room while I struggled to help her bother accept love) and took a toll on my health. I was fatigued and getting depressed that I might never be able love my grandson the way he needed me to.

Finally, one day I'd had enough. My husband came home from work and I told him to take care of our granddaughter and to plug his ears. With no bottle (not at feeding time) I picked up my grandson and cradled him. I didn't talk. I didn't look at him. I just held him, tightly, and let him scream.

And scream he did. For 40 minutes at the top of his lungs. He was red faced, sweaty and by this time I'd moved him into my bedroom where I propped myself up against pillows and settled in for the battle. This little boy cried as hard as he could until he couldn't cry any more.

In that first moment of silence I finally looked down at him and he let out a shaky sigh and then...by some miracle, he smiled at me. I grabbed my phone and here is the actual photo of that moment...

I held him and kissed him and talked to him and he smiled and giggled. He'd never giggled before. My husband thought he must've passed out and came into the room expecting to find him snoring. What he saw instead was a grandmother and grandson's first bond.

My darling husband came over and hugged us both, then took his turn cradling the happy baby.

While that wasn't the end of our battles to love the boy, it was the breaking point and the beginning of the relationship we share and enjoy today.

 

This Works!

Two Bundles on the Doorstep

One year ago, due to unforeseen and unfortunate circumstances, two of my grandchildren came to live with my darling husband and I. I didn't know then that seven months later we'd be given full custody of the two babies (then 19 months and 4 months).

To welcome the babies to their new lives we took them Walt Disney World for one week, our first trip together as a family.

We all had such a good time that we're planning to take the same trip every year.

But not everything during this adjustment period went smoothly.

When the children came to us they were unable to see outdoors, they cried if the sun shined directly on them. They were smaller than their peers and way behind in simple motor skills. They didn't know what toys were. They didn't have shoes (not even the 19 month old). They didn't have a meal-time or sleep schedule. They'd never slept in their own bed.

We are still working to catch them up and we're nearly there.

I will pick one at a time of the challenges we've faced [and overcome] to share here, and all of the new ones that arise in the future, with the hope that our successes or failures might help other parents and grandparents (or foster parents and step-parents).

Thanks for stopping by.