Babies who are not held and cuddled enough in the first months of their lives can have a difficult time adjusting to being hugged and snuggled. This can also lead to emotional and behavioral problems in the future.
Our grandson had symptoms of this when he came to live with us at four months old.
We feared he hadn't been held enough because he was more comfortable sitting in a chair than being cradled in someone's arms.
No matter where we went or what we were doing, he'd cry, kick and fight if he was in our arms too long and just wanted to be left in his seat.
It broke our hearts. So, after a few unsuccessful months, we developed a plan. He had four bottle feedings a day from 7 through 9 months old (he refused to hold his own bottle). I used this time to rock him, sing to him, snuggled him, and try to bond with him. It was the longest few months of my life...and probably his too. He fought me every snuggle of the way. He cried, kicked, refused to eat, pushed against my chest and squirmed. But I pressed on, taking about three hours a day just to feed to him. It disrupted the whole house, took my time away from my granddaughter (who played quietly in the same room while I struggled to help her bother accept love) and took a toll on my health. I was fatigued and getting depressed that I might never be able love my grandson the way he needed me to.
Finally, one day I'd had enough. My husband came home from work and I told him to take care of our granddaughter and to plug his ears. With no bottle (not at feeding time) I picked up my grandson and cradled him. I didn't talk. I didn't look at him. I just held him, tightly, and let him scream.
And scream he did. For 40 minutes at the top of his lungs. He was red faced, sweaty and by this time I'd moved him into my bedroom where I propped myself up against pillows and settled in for the battle. This little boy cried as hard as he could until he couldn't cry any more.
In that first moment of silence I finally looked down at him and he let out a shaky sigh and then...by some miracle, he smiled at me. I grabbed my phone and here is the actual photo of that moment...
I held him and kissed him and talked to him and he smiled and giggled. He'd never giggled before. My husband thought he must've passed out and came into the room expecting to find him snoring. What he saw instead was a grandmother and grandson's first bond.
My darling husband came over and hugged us both, then took his turn cradling the happy baby.
While that wasn't the end of our battles to love the boy, it was the breaking point and the beginning of the relationship we share and enjoy today.
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